So, this morning my iCloud Apple mail stopped working. So I tried signing into the iCloud webmail site, but it told me that my address was blocked apparently because it someone had been attempting to access it too many times with the wrong password. Yeah, that would have been my computer, using the correct password.

So I go to the "reset password" site. It says it will send me an email to my other address. I never get such an email.

Another option says it will ask me some security questions, so I try that. It starts by asking me for my birthday. I tell it my birthday. It tells me that I'm not correct, that isn't my birthday according to their records.

Because I am in Italy, I can only access their phone number in Italy. I try to call it. I get cut off after 15 seconds.

So, I try to collect my email off my Vatican email site (which normally forwards mail to the iCloud). I try to log into that website. It claims that my password is incorrect... even though it's the one stored in the computer that worked the last time. Every other password I can think of that I would ever have used also fails to get me into my Vatican mail.

Clearly, neither Apple nor the Vatican will admit I exist anymore. That one-two punch is rather... disturbing.